It looks like I jinxed myself in last night's short post. Today was starting out to be a good shift at work by by 9am it pretty much went downhill from there. I need to re-tell this story as it was rather frustrating to deal with. To some it may seem minor but to me it was almost a disrespect and borderline abuse by use of passive-aggressive language to a carer who was only doing their job. I find use of passive-aggressive language to be one of the more annoying traits in humans.
I was caring for a resident whom I shall not name or mention sex of said resident as usual. Most days they are quite okay to work with. They can be rather resistant to nurses going about their care needs of this resident. Today, this resident did not want to get out of bed, and at their age, I wouldn't blame them from wanting to have a day in bed. After all, who'd want to be lifted by sling lifters from bed to chair and back again day in and day out? I know occasionally I'd like a whole day in bed.
So after much convincing it was apparent this person wasn't willing to rise out of bed and sit in their chair enjoying the sunshine for today. And by me it was okay. I made them a cup of tea and some raisin toast to enjoy in bed. Then... enter the daughter and wow, my day was messed up for the rest of the shift. I happened to be in the room at the time the daughter made her grand entrance. She glared at me and said " Why isn't my"relative" out of bed yet? Why are they still in bed? What's wrong with my relative?" "I blinked at her and took a moment to regain my composure before answering. I stated the truth. They didn't want to get out of bed. I had tried to rise them to the chair and they were resistive and I felt they were best to stay in bed if that's what they wanted and it was their choice. The daughter then peeled the covers back and asked their relative if they wanted to get up. They replied with "yes, OK, I will get up". So, off I go,and retrieve the lifter machine I needed and toddled back to the room to find the daughter trying to assist the resident to sit up. Clearly she doesn't visit very often as this resident cannot sit up on their own unless they are placed in a chair. I quickly and gently intervene so that the resident didn't end up sliding to the floor from the bed. This was met by resistance from the resident who clearly and verbally said they didn't want to get up. All the while the daughter was telling the resident what a lovely day it was, and come on lets get up. So I gently try and maneuver the resident only for me to be pushed away and be told, "No! I don't want to get up".
Here I am with the daughter hanging onto one arm, me tangled up with the machine, the resident half hanging off the bed and my mind yelling at the daughter to just shut up. I really wanted to say that but of course, it's unprofessional and I do have to respect both the families and the residents. After a minute or so of cajoling and jostling of a 101 year old resident, the daughter finally realised and turned to me and said, "Just leave it, get another carer to get them up!" She had a look of exasperation on her face and I'm sure I had the same look on my own face. I then told the daughter that I was leaving the room and the next carer would come and assist the resident to get up. And with that, I left for my lunch break almost in tears. Okay, I admit, I was in tears. I was just stunned by the attitude of the daughter and I'm the resident's advocate and and I had to pacify a relative and keep the resident safe at the same time.
I returned 30 minutes later to find the resident still in bed and the daughter was apparently told that if her relative didn't want to get up, then it was their right to stay in bed and it wasn't our place to force the issue.
I told my supervisor all that happened and mentioned that I felt terrible. He gave me the option to complain about the daughter and her treatment of me. Apparently relatives have rules too. I'll sleep on that tonight I think. I never caught her name but I'm sure it won't be too hard to find it. For a few minutes on my lunch break I wondered why on earth I bothered with this career if this is what I will face. Ultimately it's up to me to build my communication skills and use them effectively to pacify relatives where I need to.
My day was redeemed when upon returning from lunch I was assisting another resident to lunch who had suddenly forgot their daughter was coming to visit. I wheeled them to the dining room and as I left they grabbed my arm, clearly trying to communicate their needs and fears to me. It took some minutes and patience while I waited for something that made sense to leave the resident. One word and it all made sense. I wheeled them back to their room and I assisted them to make a phone call which they did. When they were done, a big smile and a hug from the resident made me realise that THIS is why I'm in this career.
And here from this day forth I know to expect the unexpected and to just roll with the punches. New day coming up, and I'm thankful for that!
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